Get your bets down now!  Some helpful bumper sticker suggestions for both sides from a trained broadcast professional (moi!)

By Melanie Morgan

Just when you thought the Democrats couldn't sink any lower than presidential candidate Mike Gravel staring into a camera and throwing a rock into a lake, Cindy Sheehan has returned to the political scene to bring new meaning to the phrase "hitting rock-bottom."

The political catfight between House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and retired-but-now-born-again anti-war protester Cindy Sheehan has great potential to cause chaos among the ranks of the loony left in this country. Here we have Sheehan figuratively ripping at the blouse of Pelosi, who is maddeningly clawing at the camouflaged uniforms of our military men and women in Iraq.

For the rest of America it promises to be a spectacle akin to a bad car accident – it's awful to watch, but you just can't help but turn your neck and look, driven by a mixture of amazement and horror.

If all goes well, the battle between the warmed-over hippies, socialists and hypocritical leather-wearing vegans who support both of the candidates could end up in a never-ending acid flashback.

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Sheehan announced her candidacy for Congress this week after police arrested her during a sit-in outside the office of her friend, Rep. John Conyers. The arrest gives her instant credibility with the left. Sheehan's obviously motivated by those frequent-rewards incentives offered by local jailhouses, or else she's figured out that the only people who take her serious anymore are the incarcerated.

Sheehan claims she decided to run because neither Conyers nor wanna-be war general Nancy Pelosi would introduce articles of impeachment against President Bush.

Gen. Pelosi has done her best to undermine America's national security at a time of war. She's tried to undermine the efforts of counterterrorism officials fighting al-Qaida. Gen. Pelosi has simultaneously stabbed our troops in Iraq in the back.

But Sheehan says that's not enough.

Coddling dictators is an absolute prerequisite to secure the support of the neo-Marxists in Pelosi's congressional district. Mother Sheehan is well-known for her visit with Venezuelan Dictator Hugo Chavez and for coddling Iraqi terrorist Muqtada al-Sadr, who is responsible for killing her son, Casey.

Give Pelosi credit for showing initiative and not letting Sheehan get a leg up on her among those in the "Blame America First" ranks.

While Sheehan pulls out the pictures of her loving on Chavez, giggling with him in front of the cameras, Pelosi can counter with the portrait of her wearing a hijab as she visited Syria, a state sponsor of terrorism.

Gen. Pelosi even made her "Appeasement of Terrorists Tour" in defiance of the U.S. State Department. That's got to count for something with the voters of Pelosi's district where Republicans account for just 10 percent of the electorate.

Both candidates will need compelling slogans that can cut through the clutter of this campaign season. The campaigns are surely working feverishly on ideas, but here are a few to help inspire those aides who might be too tired after a long day's work helping to enable the jihadists to bring more death and terror to the United States.

Sheehan can get out the vote with bumper stickers declaring, "Dictators are people, too. Sheehan for Congress," or "Give Peace Mom a chance: war never solved anything but ending Communism, fascism and the life of Saddam Hussein."

Gen. Pelosi might want to go with something that appeals to her world contacts in terrorist regimes. "Syrian dictator Bashar al-Assad hates America more than Hugo Chavez" is a good starting point. Or perhaps something catchier: "You can't hug terrorists with nuclear arms."

Given the allegations that Gen. Pelosi's Napa Valley vineyard employed illegal aliens, there's always this one: "Undocumented aliens need work, taxpayer-funded benefits and voting rights, too."

It is unfortunate the women can't rely on the Catholic vote in their campaigns. Sheehan was once a proud Catholic and even served as a minister to the youth. Then her priest canned her for failing to show up for work and promoting non-Catholic values.

Gen. Pelosi's Catholic standing is in better shape, except among those church leaders who oppose her pro-abortion positions. Some bishops have told elected leaders they must not take Communion if they advocate "the choice" to kill the unborn.

Of course, the Catholics of Pelosi's district are pro-life – if that life belongs to a convicted murderer or Islamic terrorist. Perhaps she can score some votes with these folks.

Bumper sticker: "I'm pro-life. Stop killing serial murderers and terrorists."

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