This week I am going to take you into a world of subterfuge, smoke and mirrors, and the undead. Yes, I am finally ripping back the curtain on the conspiracy to commit good foreign policy.
I was forced to unmask my own involvement when the crack reporters at the Center for Media and Democracy - which also runs the sorcerer watch, uh, SourceWatch, - wrote a scathing investigative report titled: “Cracking the Pentagon Pundit Code.”
These “progressive” muckrakers uncovered an alleged conspiracy between the Defense Department, retired military officers and me. Here is how the potential Pulitzer prose began:
“In early 2002, the Defense Department began cultivating "key influentials" -- retired military officers who are frequent media commentators -- to help the Bush administration make the case for invading Iraq. The program expanded over the years, briefing more participants on a wider range of Bush administration talking points, occasionally taking them overseas on the government's dime.”
The article goes on to say that the Defense Department spent taxpayer money to inform these operatives, who then went out and supported such demons as Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. Yes, that Donald Rumsfeld.
The report continues:
“The apparent coordination between the Pentagon and the pundits piqued the interest of New York Times reporters. Two years later -- after wresting some 8,000 pages of internal documents from the Defense Department -- the Times exposed the Pentagon's covert attempts to shape public opinion through its so-called "message force multipliers." A few weeks later, the Defense Department posted the same documents publicly.”
Note to reader: keep in mind that phrase: “message force multipliers.”
Next, the reporter let out the secret that I have been keeping from you. It will be easier if I just use Sorcerer Watch’s own words on this:
"I know they are overloaded in theater," reads a June 2006 email from Pentagon pundit Thomas McInerney to Defense Department press secretary Eric Ruff. But "Melanie (that’s me) appears to be very determined to do this with or without DOD support so I think it is worthwhile to work with her."
It is true. My group, Move America Forward, wanted to go to Iraq to see firsthand what was happening in Iraq. And I had the audacity of hope to ask the Department of Defense for permission, you know, being that Iraq is a war zone and all. I also admit that I asked retired Gen. Tom McInerney to help, because I think he’s cute.
But there’s more. Sorcerer Watch also picked up on a touchy subject. MAF and I are part of the conspiracy to support our troops AND their mission.
It gets worse.
MAF, which is the country’s largest pro- troop, nonprofit grassroots organization, has intelligence on other conspiracies. We have been allowed into the inside of our government’s largest secrets, kind of like lifting the skirt of the late FBI J. Edgar Hoover, if you will.
I have seen the evidence linking JFK, Marilyn Monroe and the Supreme Court justices who “selected” President George W. Bush in 2000. Big Foot? He is actually a direct descendant of Alexander Hamilton, First Secretary of Treasury, who died in a duel. The bullet was tainted with some hairy substance and, thus, Big Foot was created.
UFOs? They exist. One example of a living UFO, whom I don’t mind revealing, is Democratic operative James Carville. How do you think former President Bill Clinton got the UFO vote?
It’s downright scary that I know these things, and scarier yet that I have now been stripped of my cover.
The sad thing about all of this is my mother has been pulled into this. She came across my “message force multipliers,” and now she believes in the New World Order and has asked me to buy her a black helicopter.
I told her not to worry. My friend Gen. McInerney will get one for me.